Harry's On The Move and Ellie's on the Outs...

With Jacque-Jacque that is, but more on that later. Harry has managed to combo army crawl/actual crawl several feet this morning. He can get into moving position from a sit or from his back and he's getting seriously angry when the arms and legs do not cooperate with each other. They're trying to get their act together and I anticipate full on, world record speed crawling by this time next week. Lock up your valuables!

In other, elf related, news, the elf seems to fancy himself a comedian, but Ellie is not impressed. Last night, instead of leaving candy in the advent calendar (hey, sometimes the elf has a few too many glasses of wine while wearing her, I mean, his tacky Christmas sweatshirt) Jacque-Jacque left several business cards. No 3 Musketeers, but if Ellie needs assistance from the controller of Sun Link or the legal services of one Darrell L. Sutton, Esq. she's covered. Needless to say, the elf had better straighten up and pay up tomorrow!

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

Jacque-Jacque's legitimacy can no longer be doubted. Spurred, no doubt, by the incessant inquiries into his origin and occupation, Jacque-Jacque had gotten his mitts on an actual (not fake) i.d.

Many thanks to the forger, er, I mean, Elf Licensing Officer, known as Grandpa.

All Elf. All the Time.

I can see a theme to this month's postings. Day 3 of Jacque-Jacque's (she named him, so don't look at me) stay and, well, let's just say it's a love/hate relationship. Above all else, though, there is a trust issue. Ellie is not sure that the Elf is entirely on her side, and she has some questions about his background and the extent of his abilities.

1. How do we know Santa sent him and he's not from somewhere else?
2. What if Santa gives him my present for the advent calendar and he keeps it for himself?
3. Do elves like chocolate? (That relates directly to #2 as all advent gifts involve chocolate.)
4. What if I do something bad while he's with Santa? Will he know?
5. Can he get into my school?
6. Does he have to let the teacher know he's there?
7. Does he know where my classroom is?
8. Does he know why I sit in the thinking chair, or does he think I'm sitting just because?
9. Do Elves like carrots, because he can have mine? (I wonder if they like broccoli.)
10.How do we know he's the same elf that was here last year? Maybe they're confused.

This is THREE days in people!!!! I need the name of a guy that create a fake indentity for Jacque-Jacque. I'm not sure I can keep up.

Not You Again!

The Elf is back and tensions are already running high. Less than 4 hours into his holiday stay on a reconnaisance mission for Santa, the Elf has already elicited a visceral reaction from the little lady and has provided more than one example of her ability to avoid detection while participating in acts of outright defiance. (For those of you not in the know, Google "Elf on the Shelf" to learn all about this tool of child behavior manipulation.)

Episode 1, The Bottle Incident: Daddy to Ellie, "please go put your brother's bottle in the sink." Ellie marches into the kitchen and sets the bottle on the barstool. Mommy to Ellie, "I think your Daddy told you to put that in the sink. The Elf is watching you. You don't want him to tell Santa you're being bad already, do you?" Ellie to Mommy, "the Elf can't tell on me if the Elf can't see me." I'm stumped. Her reasoning is unassailable under the Georgia Rules of Evidence.

Episode 2, No Whining: After being told she didn't need another snack this morning she begins to whine. I say "no whining, the Elf doesn't like it and he'll tell Santa." (Maybe I've been to this well too often already.) She ducks behind the couch and continues full on whining. I give her "the look." She says, "he can hear me, but he can't see me so he doesn't know the whining is coming from me." I'm setting up the law school fund right now. She has already mastered the evidentiary concepts of both foundation and hearsay.

She just asked whether the Elf likes loud sounds, quiet sounds, crunchy sounds or laughy sounds. I said definitely not loud sounds, but he was probably okay with the others, even though I'm taking a big chance on that "crunchy" sound. Currently she is standing in front of him laughing. "He's not laughing back. I don't think he gets it." Only 27 more days!

Ugggh!!!

After a difficult night running a pretty high fever, getting Ellie to school while hauling a sick boy, getting to the doctor's office early, being pleasantly surprised to be seen by the nurse early and then waiting in the exam room for 45 minutes with a squirmy, whiny, 8 month old, I'm told "ear infections from that cold you should of brought him in for." Oh, you mean the one I called about twice and was told no one could see me until this week? That one? Oh, silly me.

But, the good news: he did shoot snot rockets at her. Justice!

What?!!?!

Dude, I didn't take your cookie. Seriously. What would I do with a milk bone?

Ok, meaty feet, but if I find one crumb, let's just say you won't like me when I'm angry.

Oldies, but Goodies

A few exchanges between Ellie and the powers that be:

Me: Ellie, you need to work on the yes ma'am, no ma'am
Ellie: I'll work on it when I'm older
Me: No, you'll work on it now.
Ellie: How 'bout I just don't answer anymore questions?

Me: Finish your supper.
Ellie: I'm finished.
Me.: You didn't eat anything.
Ellie: It wasn't brownies.

(Get your hankie) (and, as a disclaimer, I knew she'd watch part of the Georgia game and hear that Uga had died, so I thought I'd explain first)

Me: Ellie, Uga died a few days ago.
Ellie: He died? The same one I saw at the game?
Me: Yeah, sweetie, his heart gave out.
Ellie: It's ok, he's with Munson and Jesus is scratching their booties
Me: (Silence. From her lips to God.)