Friendly, Neighborhood, Spiderman

Can this kid get anymore hilarious?  Hint:  the answer is "no."  Not sure what's going on with the hoodie.  Refuses, to wear it down.  It's like he's a suburban version of Eminem.

Game Day Giggles

So what to do when the most exciting matchup on game day (until later obvs) is Auburn/Arkansas...yawn?  This, of course.  I dare you not to laugh.

5 Seconds and a Sheep, The Prequel to 8 Seconds

So, this happened:

YES!!! She Can Be Taught!

Soooo, E is clearly my child.  I mean, purely in the physical resemblance sense.  I do not deny that all too obvious fact.  In every other way, though, she's her father's daughter.  She is patient, she is kind, she never makes that weird grunt/sigh noise that signals the expiration of tolerance and beginning of utter exasperation, she doesn't overreact.  But, but, but, she also has the uncanny ability to zone out of the real world and into the TV, computer, book, DS, iPhone, Kindle, coloring book, pretty colors, butterflies, crack in the floor, etc., to the utter exclusion of everything around her. 

I mean, seriously, I must say the words "focus" or "pay attention" 25 times a day, and, remember, Wes and I work, a lot, so we're not home that long.  She "forgets" to wash her hair.  She "thought" she put her shirt, panties, dress, etc. on with the tag in the back, but didn't (again).  Likewise, her daddy didn't hear me say "could you come take this 25 pound stainless steel pot from me, that I totally thought I was tall enought to reach but obviously was mistaken, before it drops on my head and breaks my neck and I die and you are left a widower with two children and hire a hot nanny that you end up marrying and I have to haunt you always" until said pot crashes to the floor denting the hardwoods.  (Overreaction, just a little bit).

She also doesn't care about grooming.  Or, if she does, her idea of cute does not necessarilly align with mine.  She wants her hair straight down, no adornment, bows be damned.  We often debate whether or not she looks like a rag-a-muffin.  She knows what a rag-a-muffin is.  While she loves skirts and dresses, she prefers to wear them with tennis shoes.  I mean, really, she looks like Melanie Griffith in Working Girl running to catch the train. 

Last week I searched frantically for her so, so, so awesome Sun & Sand sandals so that we could get some wear out of them on the days that tennis shoes are not required (because, in case you did not know, tennis shoes are absolutely required for first grade PE which is three days a week, because how ON EARTH would you play Simon Says in shoes without laces and arch support?  How, I ask you?).  I probably lost a good hour over the span of the week looking for them before deciding the playroom ate them. 

So, today, Wes "discovers" them in a bag his brother brought for him.  Apparently they got left in Americus and they have now returned home.  I am excited, although bummed that we lost so much good sandal wearing time.  I figure Ellie doesn't care, until I hear this:

Wes:  Hey, look, sandals!

E:  My WHITE sandals?

Wes:  Yep, white sandals, must have left them in Americus.

E:  THANK goodness!  That is GREAT news.

Wes:  Yep, now mom can quit looking for them.

E:  Wait, when is Labor Day?

Wes:  Next weekend.  Why?

E:  Like not this weekend but the next one?

Wes:  Yes.

E:  (SQUEEEEEEAL) Yay, yay, yay!  I can still wear them a few times before Labor Day.  Because, you know daddy, you can't wear white sandals AFTER Labor Day.

No you cannot.  NO.  YOU.  CANNOT.  I am so proud.  Just so proud.

Desparate Times and All That

Q:  What do you do when your three year old refuses to do his business in the great white water chair and you have begun to fear he will be wearing pull ups as a college freshman? 

A:  Bribe the hell out of him.

But, with what?

Cake?  Nah, too easy, and possibly counter productive.

A new car?  Probably jumping the gun a little.

Definitely not chicks.

Oh, I know...

Go big or go home.

Now Is Ze Time on Sprockets When Ve Dance

He looks exactly like Dieter!

Ok, except for the lack of black body suit, and the camouflage hat, and the dance moves.  But, other than that, they're identical.

Mamie's Missives

Ok...to make up for my rant: